Wed., December 16th, 2009

(11)

- News: Washington DC legalized gay marriage yesterday :)
- More news: on Monday, there was an openly-gay government official-person elected in Houston, Texas
- Today, there’s a speaker from Wayside Trauma Intervention Services [www.waysideyouth.org]. She talked about dating violence - or, more specifically, teen dating violence. GLBTQO people included.
- From now on, it’s mostly just notes on what she said. I tried to take as much notes as possible during her speech, but I’m sorry if I missed anything. 1st, it’s 10 true/false questions. Then, we just kind of talked about stuff in general.
- True or False? It’s normal for one person to make decisions in a relationship – false [this is the ideal situation. And it’s okay if you think otherwise]
- True or False?Abusers cut off their victims by isolating them from others – true.
- True or False? Abuse isn’t only physical – true.
- True or False? Only guys are the abusers – false.
- True or False? Therapy can help you with the abusive situation – true [but I guess it really depends on the person]
- True or False? The victim is to blame for the abuse he or she endures – False [the victim is never to blame. It might seem like they’re enabling their abuser, but the latter is just very controlling. Plus, it’s often that the victim can’t get out of the relationship]
- True or False? Abuse escalates as times goes on – true [see “Cycle of Violence” notes later on]
- True or False? If you see abuse signs, then give it time to see if person will change for better – false [this depends on your view; if you see the signs building up, keep track of them!!]
- True or False? Once you say “I love you” it’s too late to break up – false [we all agreed on this unanimously by saying, “FALSE!!!” all together xD]
- True or False? You should definitely talk to someone you trust about the abuse – true [side note: when someone comes to you with something like this, and you’re giving them advice, be as NOT judgmental as possible and show you care for and support them]
- http://www.breakthecycle.org/ [“Break the Cycle” website. It has some misconceptions of abuse and other interesting information]
- Signs of an unhealthy relationship: isolation, when one person becomes needy, obsessive-ness, constant nagging, physical abuse, threat of isolation of victim if something isn’t done right [ie. The abuser stops talking to victim], criticism, intimidations, put-downs, guilt-tripping, manipulation, MAKING the victim enable the abuser, peer pressure [ie. Sex, drugs, alcohol], embarrassment in front of others, gender roles [in both heterosexual and GLBTQO relationships], and the threat of being outed [either by the partner OR if they speak up, someone will find out]
- Types of abuse: physical, emotional, mental, sexual [this includes spreading rumors and sexting], financial/economical, social, religious, and cyber
- There is a rise in teen abusive-relationships but there is just as much adult abusive-relationships as teen ones.
- 20-50% of GLBTQO relationships could potentially be abusive [SAME EXACT STATS FOR HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES!!]
- Cycles of Violence --> the honeymoon stage, tension building stage, outburst stage, and repeat the process.
- Methods of control [some of these are similar to the signs of an unhealthy relationship]: criticism, possessiveness, blaming the victim, intimidation, threats, threat of abuser’s suicide, isolation, setting up rules, power and control, humiliation, hurting animals [it’s true!]
- Just FYI, if the abuser says “I’ll kill myself if you leave” then TELL SOMEONE O_o
- People make assumptions that just because it’s an abusive relationship that it’s a heterosexual one >__<
- There are domestic violence shelters set up that accept women who have been abused, and are possibly hiding from abuser
- There is a project in Boston --> “Gay Men Domestic Violence Project” that seeks to make shelters available for men as well
- What sets up the field for abuse? Well, tension may build up after some times. But it’s NOT “once an abuser, always an abuser.” Typically, the abuse is just a cycle, and it may not happen with one person as opposed to the other.
- See the information below if you have any questions. A HUGE thank you to Rebecca McCall, who gave the presentation!! ^__^ Her extension is attached after the telephone number.
- Then, we went back to out “regular” GSA discussion for a few minutes. We brought up why we think our high school is more of a safe zone for GLBTQO than the middle school [we’re older and more accepting. Oh, and most of us are mature as well ^__~]
- I think I might have mentioned this before, but here’s a fun fact: the existence of a GSA lowers the rate of suicide in the area ^__^
- This is off topic, but the GSA room was FILLED today! Great job, guys. Thanks for coming!! It was an amazing meeting and I’m glad so many of us could make it :)

Wayside Trauma Intervention Services
Youth and Family Support Network
[“Building Strength, Hope, and Resiliency”]
10 Asylum Street
Milford, MA 01757
T --> 508-478-6888 [x117]
F --> 508-478-9042
www.waysideyouth.org

Some ideas:
- Perhaps we could take a field-trip to Gibbons and have one of our GSA meetings there?
- What if the middle school students took the 1st wave of busses to our school to join us for our meetings? That’s a very good idea!